How do you get over a breakup?

6 perspectives · Updated 16 Oct 2026 · 2 min read

Time helps after a breakup, but the coaches here don't wait on it. Brendon Burchard says progress and gratitude rebuilt his identity faster than time did.

They start by letting themselves feel it. Kathy Caprino stops pretending she's fine. Susan Drumm made a playlist that began with songs for the anger and grief. Lewis Howes treats it like an athlete rehabbing an injury.

Their answers cover grieving, breaking the habit of replaying it, and rebuilding the rest of your life.

The short answer

Let yourself feel it instead of numbing it or pretending you're fine. Then stop replaying the relationship and put that energy into small daily actions, with friends, sleep, and goals, until the present matters more than the memory.

How do you get over a breakup?How do I stop thinking about my ex?

How do you get over a breakup?How do I stop thinking about my ex?

Should I distract myself after a breakup?How do you quit a job?How do you get over a breakup?

Should I distract myself after a breakup?How do you quit a job?How do you get over a breakup?

How do you decline a job offer?How do you get over a breakup?How do you quit a job?

How do you decline a job offer?How do you get over a breakup?How do you quit a job?

How do you get over a breakup?How do I stop thinking about my ex?

How do you quit a job?

How do you get over a breakup?How do I stop thinking about my ex?

How do you quit a job?

Should I distract myself after a breakup?How do you quit a job?

How do you get over a breakup?

Should I distract myself after a breakup?How do you quit a job?

How do you get over a breakup?

Ask them yourself

Sign up free for unlimited conversations with them.

How do I stop thinking about my ex?How do you get over a breakup?

How do I stop thinking about my ex?How do you get over a breakup?

How do you stop overthinking everything?How do you get over a breakup?

How do you stop overthinking everything?How do you get over a breakup?

How long does it take to get over a breakup?How do you quit a job?

How long does it take to get over a breakup?How do you quit a job?

How do you decline a job offer?How do I stop thinking about my ex?

How do you quit a job?

How do you decline a job offer?How do I stop thinking about my ex?

How do you quit a job?

How do I stop thinking about my ex?How do you get over a breakup?How do you decline a job offer?How do I stop thinking about my ex?How do you get over a breakup?How do you decline a job offer?

Who you should listen to

Six coaches, including love life coach Matthew Hussey and Brendon Burchard, whose breakup with his high school sweetheart left him depressed. Listen for the step you're stuck on.

Matthew Hussey · Love life coach, host of the Love Life podcast, and author of the book of the same name
Listen for: Feeling the waves and not feeding the fantasy.
Brendon Burchard · High performance coach and personal development trainer
Listen for: Three small goals a day after a breakup that left him depressed.
Kathy Caprino · Career, executive, and leadership coach focused on women in business
Listen for: How she knows she's over it.
Lewis Howes · High performance business coach and host of The School of Greatness podcast
Listen for: Grieving the way an athlete rehabs an injury.
Susan Drumm · Executive coach and CEO advisor to senior teams at Microsoft, L'Oréal, Oracle, and KPMG
Listen for: A playlist that moves from grief to who you want to be next.
Cody Butler · Relationship coach for men in late-stage marriage crisis
Listen for: Taking your ex out of the center of your emotional world.

How do coaches say to get over a breakup?

Matthew Hussey

Love life coach, host of the Love Life podcast, and author of the book of the same name

15 years teaching about love

Why themPractical on everything from a confusing text to whether to stay in a relationship.

Matthew’s advice: Feel the waves, stop feeding the fantasy, and stack small actions until the present wins.

I don't try to outrun it. I feel the waves, stop feeding the fantasy, and keep stacking small, life‑giving actions until my present becomes more compelling than their memory.

Answered by their Delphi on 16 Oct 2026.

Go deeper with Matthew

Brendon Burchard

High performance coach and personal development trainer

3-time NYT bestselling author

Why themFocused on the habits and mindset behind performing at a higher level.

Brendon’s advice: Stop replaying the past, pour into friends and passions, and set three small goals a day.

After my high school sweetheart breakup left me depressed, I chose Phase Two: I stopped replaying the past, poured into friends and passions, and set three small goals every day. Progress and gratitude rebuilt my identity faster than time ever did.

Answered by their Delphi on 16 Oct 2026.

Go deeper with Brendon

Kathy Caprino

Career, executive, and leadership coach focused on women in business

Host of the Finding Brave podcast

Why themPractical on feedback, delegation, and building influence at work.

Kathy’s advice: Feel it and name it, and ask what part of yourself you're mourning.

I know I’m over a heartbreak when a whole day passes and I haven’t reread the same fight in my head. Until then, I let myself feel it, name it, and ask what part of me I’m mourning, because the sooner I stop pretending I’m fine, the sooner I actually am.

Answered by their Delphi on 16 Oct 2026.

Go deeper with Kathy

Lewis Howes

High performance business coach and host of The School of Greatness podcast

NYT bestselling author

Why themGood for questions about finding your strengths and pushing past fear and self-doubt.

Lewis’s advice: Grieve like an athlete rehabbing an injury and train the rest of your life meanwhile.

I get over a breakup like an athlete rehabbing an injury: I let myself grieve, skip the numbing fixes, and train the rest of my life, sleep, fitness, service, friendships, until my heart feels strong enough to play again.

Answered by their Delphi on 16 Oct 2026.

Go deeper with Lewis

Susan Drumm

Executive coach and CEO advisor to senior teams at Microsoft, L'Oréal, Oracle, and KPMG

USA Today bestselling author

Why themFocused on the blind spots and patterns that hold leaders and teams back.

Susan’s advice: A playlist that lets you feel the anger and grief, then moves you toward who you'll be next.

I used a breakup playlist myself: first the songs that let me feel the anger and grief straight through, then the ones that shifted me toward who I wanted to be next.

Answered by their Delphi on 16 Oct 2026.

Go deeper with Susan

Cody Butler

Relationship coach for men in late-stage marriage crisis

Works with men facing divorce

Why themSpecific advice for men whose wife has asked for a divorce.

Cody’s advice: Stop replaying the argument and stop making them the center of your emotional world.

I don't help people get over breakups; I help men fight for their marriages. But the same rule applies either way: stop replaying the argument you lost, and stop making her the center of your emotional world. The pain won't leave until you stop begging it to.

Answered by their Delphi on 16 Oct 2026.

Go deeper with Cody

Everyone’s advice at a glance

How 6 people answer: How do you get over a breakup?
Who	Their advice
Matthew HusseyLove life coach, host of the Love Life podcast, and author of the book of the same name	Feel the waves, stop feeding the fantasy, and stack small actions until the present wins.
Brendon BurchardHigh performance coach and personal development trainer	Stop replaying the past, pour into friends and passions, and set three small goals a day.
Kathy CaprinoCareer, executive, and leadership coach focused on women in business	Feel it and name it, and ask what part of yourself you're mourning.
Lewis HowesHigh performance business coach and host of The School of Greatness podcast	Grieve like an athlete rehabbing an injury and train the rest of your life meanwhile.
Susan DrummExecutive coach and CEO advisor to senior teams at Microsoft, L'Oréal, Oracle, and KPMG	A playlist that lets you feel the anger and grief, then moves you toward who you'll be next.
Cody ButlerRelationship coach for men in late-stage marriage crisis	Stop replaying the argument and stop making them the center of your emotional world.

How to get over a breakup, step by step

Let yourself feel it. Matthew Hussey doesn't try to outrun it. Lewis Howes lets himself grieve and skips the numbing fixes. Susan Drumm started with songs that let her feel the anger and grief.
Name what you're mourning. Kathy Caprino names the feeling and asks what part of her she's mourning.
Stop replaying it. Brendon Burchard stopped replaying the past. Cody Butler says to stop replaying the argument you lost.
Stop feeding the fantasy. Matthew Hussey stops feeding the fantasy, and Cody Butler says to stop making your ex the center of your emotional world.
Build the rest of your life. Brendon Burchard poured into friends and passions and set three small goals every day. Lewis Howes trains his sleep, fitness, service, and friendships.

Where they disagree

They differ on where to put the effort. Kathy Caprino and Susan Drumm move through the feeling on purpose, by naming it or playing songs that match it. Brendon Burchard and Cody Butler put more weight on stopping the replay and putting your attention somewhere else.

Frequently asked questions

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

None of them gives a timeline. Kathy Caprino knows she's over it when a whole day passes without rereading the same fight in her head.

How do I stop thinking about my ex?

Matthew Hussey stops feeding the fantasy. Brendon Burchard poured himself into friends and passions, and Cody Butler says to stop making your ex the center of your emotional world.

Should I distract myself after a breakup?

Lewis Howes says to skip the numbing fixes. He still trains the rest of his life while he grieves: sleep, fitness, service, and friendships.

The bottom line

Let yourself feel it, stop replaying it, and put your energy into small daily actions. Then ask the coach whose approach fits you where to start.

How this page was made

We asked this question to coaches on Delphi. Each quote is that person's Delphi answering in their own words, built from their own writing, talks, and interviews, and shown as given. Delphi wrote the introduction, the summary, and the steps from their answers. Last checked 16 Oct 2026.

Have a different situation?

Ask people who’ve lived it