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I’m hiring our first senior engineer and can’t tell who can own the architecture

I’m hiring our first senior engineer and can’t tell who can own the architecture

Engineering
My shoulder's been aching for a week but I don't want to lose my lifting streak

My shoulder's been aching for a week but I don't want to lose my lifting streak

Fitness
Should we redesign the experience or fix the rough parts one at a time?

Should we redesign the experience or fix the rough parts one at a time?

Design
I'm taking my first solo trip and want it to change something in me

I'm taking my first solo trip and want it to change something in me

Personal Growth
What do you wish you knew before having your first child?

What do you wish you knew before having your first child?

Family
I sell used phones on facebook marketplace and my listing photos look like everyone else's

I sell used phones on facebook marketplace and my listing photos look like everyone else's

Sales

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My two boys are 7 and 9, three years apart, and they've fought over the same toys since the younger one could walk. Now it's grades, who mom likes more, who got the bigger slice. I referee every dinner and I'm out of ideas

My two boys are 7 and 9, three years apart, and they've fought over the same toys since the younger one could walk. Now it's grades, who mom likes more, who got the bigger slice. I referee every dinner and I'm out of ideas

My mother-in-law shows up unannounced most weekends and rearranges our kitchen while she's there. We've asked her twice to call first and she laughs it off both times. I don't want a fight at every holiday for the next 20 years. How do I hold a boundary with someone who won't take it seriously?

My mother-in-law shows up unannounced most weekends and rearranges our kitchen while she's there. We've asked her twice to call first and she laughs it off both times. I don't want a fight at every holiday for the next 20 years. How do I hold a boundary with someone who won't take it seriously?

The new job pays $50k extra but it's a 2 hour commute each way, twice a week. I sleep closer to the office in the middle of the week. Is more money worth the life it costs?

The new job pays $50k extra but it's a 2 hour commute each way, twice a week. I sleep closer to the office in the middle of the week. Is more money worth the life it costs?

My ex texts me about our son's schedule and within seconds I'm furious and typing back something sharp. I've sent messages I regretted an hour later more times than I can count. I want a second between the trigger and my reply, not just my temper doing the talking

My ex texts me about our son's schedule and within seconds I'm furious and typing back something sharp. I've sent messages I regretted an hour later more times than I can count. I want a second between the trigger and my reply, not just my temper doing the talking

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I've hit all my career goals but I feel strangely empty and unfulfilled.

Top perspectives

Arthur C. Brooks

Happiness scientist · Professor at Vanderbilt & Harvard Business School

From Strength to StrengthBuild the Life You WantHarvard Business School

What you're describing is the arrival fallacy: the belief that hitting a goal will finally deliver fulfillment, and the letdown when it doesn't. The emptiness is actually useful information.

Robert Waldinger

Director, Harvard Study of Adult Development · Author of The Good Life

The Good LifeHarvard Study of Adult Development

You've reached the top of the ladder and found it was leaning against the wrong wall. The Harvard Study shows people who chase wealth, fame, and image often feel worse after reaching those goals, while those who pursue relationships and meaning feel better. The emptiness is information.

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Arthur C. Brooks

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I've hit all my career goals but I feel strangely empty and unfulfilled.
That's the arrival fallacy: the goal was a proxy for something deeper. Audit your goals against three tests. Are they non-zero-sum, approach-oriented, and non-positional? If they were mostly about status or winning, that explains the hollow feeling.
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