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I replay the same conversation in my head for hours after it's over

I replay the same conversation in my head for hours after it's over

Mindfulness
I sell used phones on facebook marketplace and my listing photos look like everyone else's

I sell used phones on facebook marketplace and my listing photos look like everyone else's

Sales
Everyone says post on linkedin but I don't know what to post that isn't cringe

Everyone says post on linkedin but I don't know what to post that isn't cringe

Marketing
Every screen in my app uses a different shade of blue and I don't know how that happened

Every screen in my app uses a different shade of blue and I don't know how that happened

Design
Why am I wiped out by 2 p.m. at my desk job even after eight hours of sleep?

Why am I wiped out by 2 p.m. at my desk job even after eight hours of sleep?

Productivity
My boyfriend wants us to move in together but I'm not sure a year is long enough to know

My boyfriend wants us to move in together but I'm not sure a year is long enough to know

Relationships

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I've tracked every workout for three months, hit the gym five days a week, and cut soda completely. The scale hasn't moved and my clothes fit the same. What am I missing?

I've tracked every workout for three months, hit the gym five days a week, and cut soda completely. The scale hasn't moved and my clothes fit the same. What am I missing?

My two boys are 7 and 9, three years apart, and they've fought over the same toys since the younger one could walk. Now it's grades, who mom likes more, who got the bigger slice. I referee every dinner and I'm out of ideas

My two boys are 7 and 9, three years apart, and they've fought over the same toys since the younger one could walk. Now it's grades, who mom likes more, who got the bigger slice. I referee every dinner and I'm out of ideas

I got promoted to manager three months ago. Since then I've missed two deadlines and picked a fight with the one coworker who could help me succeed. I know I'm doing it. I don't know why

I got promoted to manager three months ago. Since then I've missed two deadlines and picked a fight with the one coworker who could help me succeed. I know I'm doing it. I don't know why

Two months into a Python course, I read that entry-level dev hiring has collapsed. I like building things, and I have a day job to fall back on. Is finishing worth the evenings it costs?

Two months into a Python course, I read that entry-level dev hiring has collapsed. I like building things, and I have a day job to fall back on. Is finishing worth the evenings it costs?

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I've hit all my career goals but I feel strangely empty and unfulfilled.

Top perspectives

Arthur C. Brooks

Happiness scientist · Professor at Vanderbilt & Harvard Business School

From Strength to StrengthBuild the Life You WantHarvard Business School

What you're describing is the arrival fallacy: the belief that hitting a goal will finally deliver fulfillment, and the letdown when it doesn't. The emptiness is actually useful information.

Robert Waldinger

Director, Harvard Study of Adult Development · Author of The Good Life

The Good LifeHarvard Study of Adult Development

You've reached the top of the ladder and found it was leaning against the wrong wall. The Harvard Study shows people who chase wealth, fame, and image often feel worse after reaching those goals, while those who pursue relationships and meaning feel better. The emptiness is information.

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Arthur C. Brooks

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I've hit all my career goals but I feel strangely empty and unfulfilled.
That's the arrival fallacy: the goal was a proxy for something deeper. Audit your goals against three tests. Are they non-zero-sum, approach-oriented, and non-positional? If they were mostly about status or winning, that explains the hollow feeling.
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