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What do you wish you knew before having your first child?

What do you wish you knew before having your first child?

Family
Is it normal to feel my heart pounding when I'm sitting still?

Is it normal to feel my heart pounding when I'm sitting still?

Health
My boyfriend wants us to move in together but I'm not sure a year is long enough to know

My boyfriend wants us to move in together but I'm not sure a year is long enough to know

Relationships
I moved to a new city at 34 and don't know how to make friends anymore

I moved to a new city at 34 and don't know how to make friends anymore

Social
I'm burned out but I can't afford to quit my job

I'm burned out but I can't afford to quit my job

Career
My son stopped talking to me after the divorce and I don't know why

My son stopped talking to me after the divorce and I don't know why

Parenting

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I have a paper due in 10 days and I haven't opened the file. Every night I tell myself I'll start tomorrow, and every morning I find something else to do first. I don't understand why I can do this at work but not for myself

I have a paper due in 10 days and I haven't opened the file. Every night I tell myself I'll start tomorrow, and every morning I find something else to do first. I don't understand why I can do this at work but not for myself

Our strongest designer produces excellent work, but three teammates have stopped bringing them ideas because they dismiss everyone’s input

Our strongest designer produces excellent work, but three teammates have stopped bringing them ideas because they dismiss everyone’s input

My partner says I ruin every day off by making lists in my head. Last Sunday I lay on the couch until 3 and felt sick with guilt about it. How do I rest when it feels like stealing?

My partner says I ruin every day off by making lists in my head. Last Sunday I lay on the couch until 3 and felt sick with guilt about it. How do I rest when it feels like stealing?

I tore my ACL last year and just got cleared to train again after eight months off. I used to run five miles without thinking about it, now I'm winded after ten minutes on the bike. Where do I even start rebuilding from here?

I tore my ACL last year and just got cleared to train again after eight months off. I used to run five miles without thinking about it, now I'm winded after ten minutes on the bike. Where do I even start rebuilding from here?

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I freeze up and go blank when I meet new people at networking events.

Top perspectives

Vanessa Van Edwards

Behavioral investigator · Founder of Science of People

CaptivateCuesScience of People

Freezing at a networking event is usually a planning problem, not a personality problem. Your brain just doesn't have a script for the first ten seconds.

Robert Cialdini

Psychology professor, Arizona State · Author of Influence

InfluencePre-SuasionCialdini Institute

Networking freeze usually comes from self-focus, not social failure. Prepare one genuine question and one small piece of value you can offer. That shifts your script from “Will they like me?” to “How can I be useful to this person?”

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Vanessa Van Edwards

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I freeze up and go blank when I meet new people at networking events.
Freezing is usually a planning problem, not a personality problem. Before the event, write down three openers and three bridge questions, then lower the stakes by practicing on baristas and neighbors first.
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