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I'm exhausted but the second I lie down my brain won't shut off

I'm exhausted but the second I lie down my brain won't shut off

Health
I replay the same conversation in my head for hours after it's over

I replay the same conversation in my head for hours after it's over

Mindfulness
A candidate's code was flawless but they couldn't explain a single line they wrote

A candidate's code was flawless but they couldn't explain a single line they wrote

Engineering
What do you wish you knew before having your first child?

What do you wish you knew before having your first child?

Family
I got cut from varsity and I don't know how to face my teammates

I got cut from varsity and I don't know how to face my teammates

Sports
I keep wondering if a rebrand would fix things or just be expensive redecorating

I keep wondering if a rebrand would fix things or just be expensive redecorating

Design

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I have a paper due in 10 days and I haven't opened the file. Every night I tell myself I'll start tomorrow, and every morning I find something else to do first. I don't understand why I can do this at work but not for myself

I have a paper due in 10 days and I haven't opened the file. Every night I tell myself I'll start tomorrow, and every morning I find something else to do first. I don't understand why I can do this at work but not for myself

My 10 year old told me she aced her spelling test, then I found the actual grade: a D. Last week she swore she didn't eat the last cookie with crumbs still on her shirt. These aren't big lies, they're pointless ones, and I can't figure out why she keeps telling them

My 10 year old told me she aced her spelling test, then I found the actual grade: a D. Last week she swore she didn't eat the last cookie with crumbs still on her shirt. These aren't big lies, they're pointless ones, and I can't figure out why she keeps telling them

I turned down a job I wanted because my dad didn't approve of it. I'm 29 and still calling him after every decision to see if it's okay. Last week I almost skipped a trip because he raised an eyebrow. When does this stop being about him and start being about me?

I turned down a job I wanted because my dad didn't approve of it. I'm 29 and still calling him after every decision to see if it's okay. Last week I almost skipped a trip because he raised an eyebrow. When does this stop being about him and start being about me?

We’ve interviewed 30 potential customers who all called our idea valuable, but none has agreed to pay for the prototype

We’ve interviewed 30 potential customers who all called our idea valuable, but none has agreed to pay for the prototype

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I freeze up and go blank when I meet new people at networking events.

Top perspectives

Vanessa Van Edwards

Behavioral investigator · Founder of Science of People

CaptivateCuesScience of People

Freezing at a networking event is usually a planning problem, not a personality problem. Your brain just doesn't have a script for the first ten seconds.

Robert Cialdini

Psychology professor, Arizona State · Author of Influence

InfluencePre-SuasionCialdini Institute

Networking freeze usually comes from self-focus, not social failure. Prepare one genuine question and one small piece of value you can offer. That shifts your script from “Will they like me?” to “How can I be useful to this person?”

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Vanessa Van Edwards

Their Delphi, answering in their voice

I freeze up and go blank when I meet new people at networking events.
Freezing is usually a planning problem, not a personality problem. Before the event, write down three openers and three bridge questions, then lower the stakes by practicing on baristas and neighbors first.
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