“I don't think normal is the useful question here. What matters is whether once a month feels like enough for both of you, or if one of you is quietly keeping score. I've seen couples thrive on way less and couples miserable on way more.”
“There isn't a magic number for how often a couple should have sex, and after seven years the real question is whether you and your partner are both okay with where you're at. If one of you is quietly carrying hurt or resentment, that monthly pattern becomes the conversation worth having, not a diagnosis.”
“Normal is a trap word in my office. I see couples who are happy at once a month and others who are miserable at three times a week, so the number matters less than whether you both feel connected. What I watch for after seven years is whether sex has quietly become a need versus a want, and whether the lower-desire partner is carrying shame while the higher-desire partner carries rejection.”
“There is no normal frequency, only what works for both of you. I have sat with couples who were miserable having sex weekly and others who were content with once a season. The question is whether you both feel connected, not whether you match an average.”
“Once a month is technically the threshold for what sex therapists call a sexless marriage, but I don't think the label matters. What matters is whether one of you is quietly putting up with it.”
“Once a month after seven years isn't abnormal, but it might be telling you something. I talk about this all day: couples drift into different desires. What matters most is whether you both feel okay with it or whether one of you is silently frustrated. I've said marriage burnout is like work burnout—you have nothing left to give—and that's what kills intimacy in long relationships, not time itself.”