“Your home is being entered, your parenting is being judged, and your husband is choosing comfort over your safety. I would change the locks and tell him the key is the hill I am willing to die on.”
“I would change the locks and let my husband explain it to his mother, because that's just how she is stops being an acceptable answer the second it starts eroding your home and your parenting confidence. The boundary you need is not overreaction, it is the bare minimum.”
“A key to your home is access, and twice a week unannounced with commentary on your parenting is a boundary issue dressed up as help. I would tell your husband that that's how she is doesn't mean that's how your marriage has to be, and the two of you need to decide together what feels safe in your own space.”
“This is not a negotiation problem, it is a boundary problem, and your husband being used to it does not make it okay.”
“You are not overreacting. A key to your home is access to your most private space, and showing up twice a week unannounced to rearrange your things and critique your parenting crosses a boundary. I would tell your husband that that's just how she is does not mean it has to be how your marriage functions.”
“You are not overreacting. Your home is your sanctuary and your parenting choices deserve respect, not silent rearranging and critique. I would sit down with your husband first, not to make him choose sides, but to get him to see that that's just how she is is not a boundary.”