“The real problem with feedback isn't harshness or kindness. It's vagueness. I use a model I call COIN: Context, Observation, Impact, Next steps. Say what you saw, what it cost, and exactly what you need instead. Most leaders don't need more feedback conversations; they need more specific ones.”
“I stopped giving people a grocery list of ten things to fix after watching them shut down. Now I land on one or two behaviors, ask what they want to own, and stay quiet until they say it.”
“I learned feedback lands when the person feels supported, not surveilled. I ask what they need from the conversation and how they want to receive it, then we build the path forward together.”
“The most useful feedback happens when the person can actually hear it. That means separating what you observed from what you concluded about them—not you're defensive but you interrupted three people before they finished, and afterward two told me they stopped speaking up. Specificity cuts through the defensiveness.”
“I start by asking what they already suspect about their impact, because feedback lands only when the person has a door cracked open. Then I anchor every observation to a specific moment or behaviour, not a label, and I always pair it with what I want them to do differently before they leave the room.”
“I separate feedback from coaching: feedback is telling someone what I see them doing and the impact it has, and coaching is the next step of helping them figure out how to improve. The feedback only lands if it is specific and behavioral, not vague or wrapped in my own opinion.”
“I spent years watching feedback land wrong at Apple and elsewhere, usually because the leader opened with a verdict about the person instead of the specific behavior and its cost. The talk track I use now is facts, impact, request, belief: what happened, what it did to the work and to me, exactly what I want by when, and that I know they can do it.”
“I coach leaders to deliver feedback using the SBI model: name the situation, the specific behavior, and the impact it had. People can hear it when you separate what happened from who they are, and they act when you invite them into the next step instead of handing down a verdict.”