Finding Stability After Betrayal 1 (2)
The workbook “Finding Stability After Betrayal” is a trauma‑informed guide created by Dr. Monique Thompson to support individuals who have experienced relational betrayal, especially infidelity. It frames betrayal as a trauma that dysregulates the nervous system, explaining the polyvagal model (ventral vagal safety, sympathetic fight‑or‑flight, dorsal vagal shutdown) and how these states manifest as anxiety, hypervigilance, numbness, etc. The core therapeutic modality presented is EMDR, described through the Adaptive Information Processing model, its mechanisms, and why it is suited for betrayal trauma. The guide provides a detailed pre‑session checklist (space setup, breathwork, single focus, belief identification, walk‑and‑talk logistics, and post‑session cool‑down) to prevent self‑sabotage and to prime the nervous system for effective processing. It enumerates common negative cognitions that arise after betrayal, organized by thematic clusters (safety, worth, identity, meaning, future, urgency, sexuality, revenge, partner responsibility, need for answers). The workbook stresses noticing these beliefs rather than challenging them during EMDR. Additional sections cover walk‑and‑talk EMDR (movement as natural bilateral stimulation), post‑session self‑care, the typical cumulative EMDR processing time of roughly 8–14 hours (≈810 minutes) across many targets, and the option of EMDR intensives versus standard 45‑ or 90‑minute sessions. It links nervous‑system regulation to clearer decision‑making about staying or leaving a relationship, and provides scheduling links for various session formats. The tone is compassionate, instructional, and clinically grounded, aiming to empower clients to show up, regulate, and engage in therapy without pressure to be “ready” or “calm.”
Topics
Compassionate Introduction & Author Credibility
Dr. Monique Thompson introduces the workbook, acknowledges the client’s pain, and establishes her 24‑year clinical background in betrayal and trauma work.
Betrayal Trauma Explained Through Polyvagal Theory
Describes how betrayal disrupts the nervous system, outlining ventral vagal safety, sympathetic fight‑or‑flight, and dorsal vagal shutdown, and lists common physiological and emotional symptoms.
EMDR Foundations and Its Fit for Betrayal Trauma
Presents the Adaptive Information Processing model, bilateral stimulation, and specific benefits of EMDR for processing betrayal‑related memories, beliefs, and body sensations.
Catalog of Negative Cognitions After Infidelity
Systematic list of trauma‑driven beliefs grouped by safety, worth, identity, meaning, future, urgency, sexuality, revenge, partner responsibility, and need for answers, with cognitive distortion labels.
Pre‑Session Checklist & Nervous‑System Regulation Protocol
Step‑by‑step 30‑minute before‑session routine (space setup, 4‑7‑8 breathwork, single focus selection, optional belief note, walk‑and‑talk prep, post‑session cool‑down) designed to prevent self‑sabotage and prime the nervous system.
Walk‑and‑Talk EMDR: Movement as Bilateral Stimulation
Explains how rhythmic walking mirrors EMDR’s bilateral stimulation, offers guidance on pace, grounding, and breath during movement‑based sessions.
EMDR Processing Time (≈810 minutes) and Target Concept
Clarifies that meaningful symptom relief often occurs after 8–14 hours of active reprocessing across many memory targets, not a single event, and explains what “clear” means.
Intensive EMDR Formats vs. Standard Sessions
Compares 45‑minute, 90‑minute, and multi‑day intensive formats, highlighting benefits of reduced stop‑start, faster cumulative processing, and suitability criteria.